I believe that no family, no organization, no society can function when communication breaks down. It is therefore of paramount importance that we communicate effectively, and not just for the sake of interacting with one another. I want to communicate well because I need the other party to understand the message I’m conveying, the feelings and emotions going through me, share my thoughts, come out with ideas, and basically get things done. Yet, whether the communication process is effective or not depends on the other party too. How he/she responds is equally important. Therefore I feel that one crucial aspect of effective communication is active listening, which would allow the other party to properly process my words. Even though I can manage to get my point across well, my friend will still not get what I’m trying to say if she just listens passively and has her thoughts else where. Effective communication, thus really takes 2 hands to clap.
Another aspect of effective communication that I appreciate would be body gestures and eye contact. A friend of mine never seems to establish eye contact with me whenever we engage in a conversation. Is there something morbidly ugly on my face that he can't bear looking at me? Does he abhor me so much it irks him to look up at me? Or maybe he doesn't think I'm of any importance and so cannot be bothered to establish eye contact with me. I choose to think that maybe he harbors a secret crush on me and is simply too shy to look at me in the eye. Sadly, this would be as highly impossible as Michael Phelps not being able to attain his 8th gold medal in the Olympics. Whatever it may be, it is just plain rude and makes me feel really awkward. But at least now I know that he is really uncomfortable communicating with me and if I ever need a project mate, he is going to be the last person I'll want to work with. The wonders of eye contact indeed, it makes or breaks a relationship!
Effective communication in the workplace is vital too because tasks MUST be accomplished efficiently. Thus, in order to be a good team player, irregardless of status and age, one must appreciate the ideas of others. If disagreements occur, it is crucial to voice them out in a diplomatic manner without sounding disrespectful because conflicts arising from poor communication among members will hamper the team's progress. There will come a point of time when we will be put in such a situation when we go out to work.
For now, group projects actually do help us develop good communication skills. Furthermore, I have made good friends out of my project mates, people whom I never thought I would foster friendships with!
Let me then end off this post with a picture of me and some of my lovely project mates.(look how happy
we are!)
7 comments:
Yes, I can understand how difficult it is to be tactful in terms of what words should be used when criticism has to be handed out in a group situation, so that it would sound constructive and not like a personal attack. That really takes experience-honed effective communication skills and is something to work towards.
At the same time, I understand that maintaining eye contact is important to show that you are sincere and paying attention, but it is slightly overated sometimes. I personally find it difficult to maintain eye contact sometimes when I'm trying to recall something or thinking of what words to use as I need to look aside to think. However, the person I'm talking to still understands what I say clearly although there have been a few occasions where he/she would look over her shoulder wondering what I'm staring at. On the other hand, a fine balance in terms of how much eye contact is also required in order not to make the person uncomfortable by staring continuously at him/her. Therefore, although it may sometimes be overated, the importance of appropriate eye contact cannot be ignored as I'm quite certain the manager of that prestigious firm will not hire someone who does not even look him in the eye.
Hi Joyce, I do agree with your point about the need to be more tactful and conscious about what you say to others in order to reduce misunderstandings and to maintain healthy relationships with your friends, family and colleagues. However, often times, people tend to let their emotions take over when faced with extreme stress and pressure and that is when conflicts may occur. Therefore, I feel that it is an important skill to keep one's emotion in check as much as possible.
Eye contact is a very interesting topic indeed. I agree that there is a need to establish eye contact during conversations. When I was young, I was taught that you must always look at the other party when you talk. It is a very basic form of respect. However, I feel that there is a thin line between maintaining eye contact and staring. Often times, I find it hard to maintain eye contact with someone for an extended period of time in the sense that there will be momentary breaks in eye contact. It might feel natural to look at a person in the eye at first but I always find it very awkward and uncomfortable to keep looking into the eyes of the other party. Maybe that was how the Chinese came up with the term '触电' to describe eye contact between a male and a female. Therefore, I agree with Matthew that although establishing eye contact is important during conversations, but it might not be a good idea to overdo it.
Overall, your post was insightful and it made me reflect quite a bit. Maybe at the end of the course, we will be able to see our group photo on your blog too.
Hi there. I do agree that maintaining eye contact is certainly a very useful technique to capture the attention of the listener and it also means that the speaker is giving you his or her full attention too. However, when one fails to maintain eye contact, it might mean several things. He might lack self-confidence, hence, afraid that you might pay too much attention to him. Or, she might be hinting that she's in a rush and has no time to continue with the conversation(not in the case of speeches and lectures of course.) But certainly, maintaining appropriate amount of eye contact during a conversation will definitely enhance the communication process whereby both parties gain more from it.
Another point that I am able to relate to was to be able to criticise positively and not just reprimanding. Thankfully, we now have plenty of opportunities to practice that when we have to work in groups and carry out group discussions. However, I understand that this friendly environment is different from that of the real world (yup, the one we will be going into in 1 or 2 years). Nevertheless, if we can learn to communicate effectively now, it would greatly benefit us in the future.
Hey Joyce! I fully agree the point about communication really takes 2 hands to clap. Many people are so self-absorbed in trying to be able to say their piece, that they forget to stop and obeserve and ask if the other party actually got what they really meant. Many a times, languages standards and the speed at which the speaker is going at, are barriers as to how the other party could effectively absorb and understand what is being said.
Furthermore, maintaing a certain level of eye contact is certaintly important as well. This to me, assures me that the other party is still listening to me and whether or not he/she is still interested or is just about to switch off any moment.
I think the challenge in handling critisisms well lie in being able to not let your emotions get the better of you. Many a times, what is being said sounds more serious and harsh than it should due to the gush of emotions that let to what was being said in a spur of the moment. Being able to think logically and controlling one's emotions is probably one way in trying to put crtisisms across in a more acceptable manner. (:
Hey Joyce! I love your point on eye contact. It does irks me if i am talking to someone and i am not given the most minimum respect-- which is eye-contact. If it doesn't excite him to whatever I am saying, I guess it is basic courtesy to at least PRETEND to be interested and concerned. Otherwise, he could cook up some reasons to excuse himself.
Office politics is something that is detestable and abhorrent. Therefore, if we cannot handle relationships properly, it will turn into something that is nerve-wrecking and stressful. It could also make or break your bread and butter. This is the worst case scenario. of course. So, i think you have made a good point in being diplomatic. Good job!
Hi Joyce, i sympathize with the situation you had with that friend of yours. Besides maintaining eye contact, i think it is also important to observe other non-verbal cues that he might be giving out unconsciously. What sort of postures does he have when you are talking? Or maybe he is brought up in a family that does not have the practice of looking someone in the eyes when they talk. Perhaps then, you might be able to understand him better. Also, i think you have brought up an interesting point about the manner on how we should disagree with someone without being seen as rude. It is really a fine line between putting your argument forward and coming across as disrespectful. In such situations, we must be sensitive and tactful, paying particular attention to what we say, like our choice of words, and how we say it, our non-verbal cues.
Cheers,
Chong Guan
Dear Joyce, I find it amazing that even though you find your friend's lack of eye contact "plain rude" and you feel awkward talking to him, you are still friends with him and have not tried to do something about it! What makes you think it irks him to look at you? How do you know for sure your interpretation of his eye contact or rather, the lack of it, is correct? As mentioned by Chong Guan, what are his other NVCs? What about your own body language or NVCs? Are they a reason for his lack of eye contact?
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