Well, what actually happened was that, Vic and I, being avid online clothes shoppers, decided to start our own blogshop a few months back. Si, Vic’s friend, was interested as well, and so we invited her to join us in this venture. Things started out really smoothly, and the three of us worked well together. As school got more hectic, we found that we had less time to meet up to discuss the new collections. We had conflicting schedules, especially since Vic and Si are from NTU, and it was only after much effort that Vic and I could compromise on a day to meet up.
However, Si was not able to make it on that particular day, so Vic suggested that we postpone the meeting. I was perfectly fine with it as I felt that Si should also be included in the meeting. A week later, however, Vic told me via sms that she had already discussed the latest collection with Si, and that the photos were ready to be uploaded onto our blogshop. At that moment, I felt betrayed as I was not included in the discussion. I confronted Vic about it, and she said that because the stocks had already arrived, we had to sell them fast. Also, Si lives near her and they’re in the same course, so it was more convenient for them to discuss during their common breaks. At that point of time, that made no sense to me because I was almost overwhelmed by jealousy and the betrayal.
The following day, I called Vic up and told her I wanted out. I felt that there was no point being part of this joint venture since I had no say in it. Vic was really upset and she tried to reason things out with me, persuading me not to withdraw from this. However, I took the incident quite badly and insisted on doing so.
Thinking back now, what Vic and Si did actually made some sense, as it was easier for them to discuss matters, especially since we were already pretty pressed for time. However, I wouldn’t exactly say I was wrong for feeling the way I felt, because I reckon any normal human being would feel betrayed as well. On hindsight, I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the better of me. I should have reasoned things out with Vic proper instead of insisting on quitting.
Vic had no choice but to get things done soon, and she probably must have already felt really bad for not engaging me in the discussion. I guess I really upset my best friend by not giving her a chance to explain herself. After all, it was just that once, and I believe what she did was for the good of our online business. Things just got bad because I wasn’t understanding enough I guess. Just so to let u all know, things are fine now and we’re back to being best friends, no more hard feelings or whatsoever. Thankfully.
Not to worry, we won't kill each other for real.
I'm still not too sure if it was my foul temper (and maybe low EQ, according to the quiz) that caused me to react the way I did. If you were in my shoes, would you also have left the venture without first talking things out?
6 comments:
Hey Joyce, I can understand how easily it is to let your emotions control how u react to a situation and lead you to make a rash decision. It is usually so difficult to control how your emotions affect you when you are all worked up, but we tend to become unreasonable when this happens. Moreover, the fact that she was your best friend should have help you realize that she did not mean to do it to upset you and there must have been an important reason behind her choice. All though, I feel that she should have at least informed you when she had decided to go ahead without you.
I am glad that things are fine now between the two of you :) This proves that there has been some effective communication resulting in the conflict being resolved! Haha.
Hi Joyce. Wow you have your own online business! Inspiration for me to start my own business in future once I have the capital. That aside, let me share with you what i think I would have done if I were in your shoes.
Starting up a business is not easy and starting up a business with good friends is even harder. Conflicts and differences in opinions might occur once in awhile and they might even threaten to destroy friendships if not resolved appropriately. Firstly, although I would feel somewhat betrayed by the act of being left out from the discussion, I would still sit back and think of the bigger picture. Will our revenue take a hit if we continue to postpone our discussion? Was it for the best to upload the new collection on time so that your loyal customers will get to buy new items as soon as possible? If you find that what they did was for the best but you still did not like the thought of being left out, find a chance to talk to them about it. Let them know how upset you were and that they should at least ask you whether it is alright to hold the discussion amongst themselves first since it is urgent.
Best friends would not hurt each other intentionally and I am sure Vic and Si did not mean to hurt you. True friendships will stand the test of time and that photo of both of you reinforces what i just said (not the killing part of course). Cheers!
Hey Joyce, as a girl I could definitely understand how sometimes we allow ourselves to read more into the situation than what it is in reality. As such, it might have been better to listen to what Vic had to say first instead of insisting on quitting. On the other hand, in the midst of hearing out her explanation, things might turn ugly and proceed to a point of no return. Hence, that's where I feel like the appropriate choice of communication channel is really important as well.
I too agree with Shaun that starting a business is difficult. It is all the more difficult when you start a business with a good/best friend. In the course of setting up a business, each party's concerns are only for the good of the business, yet what you feel might do good to the business may not be what she feels may do good to the business. Hence, learning reach a compromise and letting go of your own original plans are also an improtant aspect. In order to do so, listening to each other is highly important.
I won't deny that I wouldn't feel hurt and betrayed if I were in your shoes, however, when your emotions get the better of you, as what matthew have pointed out, you often make a rash decision. More than often, you make a rash decision that you might cause you to regret much later when your emotions and things start to cool down.
But of course, as seen from your photo posted and learning that things are all well between the both of you now,I am almost certain that the test you took was probably inaccurate. It definitely takes the two willing parties to solve the conflict. Seeing that things are now fine, proves that you are, afterall still an effective communicator. Just that, like many of us, we need to learn how to control our emotions.
Hi, Joyce. Before I comment, can I get discount if I buy from your blogshop? haha. just kidding.
Anyway, I'm sorry it turned out that way at that point of time. I suppose conflict arises more frequently when you have to work together with people you are so close to, like family and best friends. Often times, we hear or watch in dramas that family business often leads to endless disputes and disagreements. I believe it's because when you are close to someone, you tend to think that you understand her so well that you can speak in her shoes or decide certain things for her. Your best friend could have been thinking this way when they left you out in the meeting. But of course, you have the right to feel betrayed in this situation. However, I felt that you had reacted a bit over the top to quit at that moment. (but it's hard to say as i'm not in your shoes) The sensible way you could have approached the situation was to discuss your issues with them and hopefully, the same thing would not happen twice.(i know it's easier said than done) Sometimes, the other party is just simply looking for an apology to appease him or her. Anyway, I'm glad you girls have sorted things out the girl way and this showed that when conflict is resolved, it can strengthen a relationship as well!
Hi Joyce, so are you still in the business since you have gotten back together as best friends?
Well, you definitely showed from your blog post that you possess some of the EQ skills we learnt about - self-awareness and self-honesty!
nope, we're not doing it already, because it is too competitive, online blog shops are sprouting out everyday!
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